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CONFUSION









"The music is too loud", she said something.
"I can't hear you", I gesticulated.
She pulled me out of the crowd.
"What happened?", I knew something was wrong, she loves the band.
She was hesitant. I don't know what held her but she seemed jumpy.
"I love you!", she said almost screaming.
Her voice faded a little in the flowing music or I heard it wrong.
"What?", I don't know why I was smiling.
"I love you, duffer!", she pulled me with collar and we hugged.
I heard it, both times. But it was out of the blue. Maybe the music rush flew the adrenaline. She must have been into something.
Then I heard her sobbing. My hands were on the side till now. I tried to calm her down. What gave me power to back my arms. She said nothing. The utter silence for a minute.
I had gone through every detail, why she is doing it in that minute and none of them was giving me any answers. I had never felt this emotion with her, the awkwardness. I guess she will give me every taste of life.
She pulled me back, her hand was on my chest. Her pale yellow nose turned red. She couldn't look up. The only thing constant was her grabbing my right hand, with her both palms. I lifted her chin, to look into her eyes. They say when can't feel the words, jump in the eyes, it's a different world there.
"What happened, Sana?"
She snorted. She's cute. I remembered again.
"I just confessed my feelings to you, why are you asking such questions, answer me back na", she said.
I smiled. She was sounding like a baby.
"Acha okay, I love you", I replied.
Her eyes got big. She wasn't satisfied.
"Why don't you believe me?" She said punching me in the chest.
"I don't know, it's surprising, I mean good surprising, but still, a new thing.", I wanted it to be sure.
"It's not new, the first day, when we met, at the coffee shop, I fell for you, I kept it inside me, I have to check na you are worthy or not, I can't get hurt, so I made you my friend, it's safer that way.", she explained and continued.
"But for last month, when you were away, I was missing you, so much that I couldn't resist to meet you. Then you called and said you are coming back, planned for the show of my favorite band, spent whole day with me, so you love me, right? Why else you'll come back?"
She started crying again. All this time the girl carried such feelings for me. Its been three years of college. I missed her too. I wanted to be with her. She's right, I arranged this meeting only for her. But is it love?
We were friends. We watched movies. We went to bands too. I had arranged tickets then too. She enjoyed that always. I felt happy when she smiled at me, when I showed her tickets. We both sung at our worst the lyrics of "Tum hi ho". How things have changed?
She believes I love her, cause I did these things for her. She started off with being friends but had feelings all the way.
"Where are you? Answer na, don't you love me?". She was standing a little far now. My silence has created the gap, the discomfort zone.
I was confused. How can I know for sure?
I have an ending for this but I want you to try,am i in love with Sana?

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